Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
