Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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