some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
