the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
