I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
