Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
