What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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