So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
