It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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