therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I will pee on everything he values.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
