Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
