Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
