Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
