I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
is that a dick in a sweater?
Randomize
