Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
