we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize
