the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
