I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Randomize
