Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
