pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
