if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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