you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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