Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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