I think im going to throw up on grandma
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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