He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Just pee around me
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
