She is in my trunk
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
