..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Randomize
