You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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