ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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