Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
