sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
