im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
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