how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
