Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
