Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
