3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
