I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
