i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
