its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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