She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
