I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
