I have demons in me.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
