Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
