I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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