Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
