yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I think my moral compass just broke
God I need to hump something, right now.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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