Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
