3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
