If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
