why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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