He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
