before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
