if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
