I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
