no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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