Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
