Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
