i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
