first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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